Ku bahungu n’abakobwa rero bumva nta rukundo rwa nyarwo rukibaho bo si ngombwa ko bakomeza gusoma iyi nkuru, naho ku bumva ko ruhari twaganira ku buryo ushobora kwifata igihe uguye mu kibazo nk’iki, dore ko buri gihe aba ari amakuru y’incamugongo.
Ibi rero bishobora kukubaho ukibaza byinshi niba mwatandukana burundu n’ibindi byinshi, ariko iyo ubona urukundo rwanyu rwaragenze neza ku buryo wifuzaga kurukomeza ushakisha uburyo wabikemura. Mu kubikemura rero ushobora kugerageza zimwe muri izi nzira iyo zibashobokeye mwembi.
* Kwirinda amabanga
Ku bwanjye nta mabanga n’ubuzima bwite ( private life) yagakwiye kubaho ku bantu bitwa ko bakundana by’ukuri, cyane cyane iyo bigeze kuri iyi ntera yo gucana inyuma, ntabwo byoroha na gato ko mwongera kurebana nka mbere iyo umwe azi ko undi byanze bikunze hari icyo amuhisha, tudashyizemo ko akenshi uwahishwe ahora akora uko ashoboye ngo amenye ibyo atazi. Iyo abimenye rero ibibazo biragaruka ugasanga ntacyo mwaramiye.
* Muganire ku buryo byakemuka
Nyuma y’ikibazo nk’iki, wowe na mugenzi wawe muba mugomba kwicara mukaganira mwibaza niba ibyabaye bitazongera, mukareba niba koko buri wese muri mwe yitaye kuri urwo rukundo rwanyu ruri mu marembera.
* Kugerageza kugarurirana icyizere :
nk’uko twese tubizi, icyizere kiza gitinze kandi kigenda vuba cyane. iyo umuntu wizeye agutengushye kongera kumwizera bifata igihe; muri iki kibazo rero kukigarura bisaba ko mureba impamvu yateye mugenzi wawe kukunyura inyuma maze igakurwa mu nzira. Kenshi mugenzi wawe ntabyo aba ashaka kukubwira kuko aba akeka ko kubivuga bizana ibindi bibazo, gusa nta cyizere wakongera kugirirwa igihe cyose utavuze icyaguteye guhemuka, cyane cyane ko uwahemukiwe aba ashobora no gutekereza ibindi bibi kurusha uko byagenze.
Mu gihe iki kibazo rero atari ubwa mbere kibaye, ntabwo biba byoroshye kugikemura kuko rimwe na rimwe hari igihe biba ari umuco w’umukunzi wawe kandi utapfa guhindura. Niba bimeze gutyo ni umutimanama wawe ukubwira icyo wakora, gusa mwashoboye kuganira kandi mukarangiza ayo mabanga yose mwahishanye akenshi iyo koko mukundana murongera mukabana kandi icyizere n’urukundo gahoro gahoro mwatakaje birongera bikagaruka.
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Niba ubonye umusore wo mu nzozi zawe wakora iki ngo agukunde?
posted on Jul , 06 2010 at 17H 38min 02 sec viewed 11306 times
Njya nkunda kubaganiririra ku rukundo ariko burya ibyarwo ntiwabivuga ngo ubirangize. Ubu noneho ndashaka kubabwira ku kintu gikunze kugaragara rimwe na rimwe kikanagora mwebwe bashiki bange.
Umuhanzi yaravuze ati "Burya Urukundo uwo rushatse ruramusanga",nge nakongeraho ko rubasha no kumuganisha aho rushaka cyangwa aho atatekerezaga, ariko iby’imbaraga zarwo wenda tuzaba tubigarukaho.
Hari igihe ugira utya ukiyumviraaaa ukumva ikintu muri wowe kikubwira ko ugejeje igihe cyo gukundana niba bitarabaho, cyangwa se kikakubwira ko wari ukwiriye kongera kugerageza amahirwe niba warakundanye mbere ntibigende neza.
Gusa muri ibi byose ntubura gutekereza cyangwa ukishushanyiriza umusore wumva rwose wifuza, ukagena ibyo agomba kuba yujuje kugirango nawe umukunde gusa hari igihe tujya twibagirwa ko ibyo twifuza byose atariko twabibona 100% kandi ibyo nibyo biviramo bamwe kwisanga bagiye guhera iwabo ngo aha baracyategereje uwujuje ibyo bashaka.
Mbere na mbere mubanze mwibuke ko niyo wagira gute udashobora kureba mu mutima w’undi cyangwa ngo umenye ibyo atekereza, ni ukuvuga ngo byinshi mubyo umwifuzaho ni ibyo nawe ushobora kurebesha amaso yawe naho iby’imbere ujye ubiharira Uwiteka be ariwe ubigufasha cyangwa abikwereke kuko we yabishobora.
Niba rero hari umusore wabonye ukumva wifuza ko agushyira mu bitekerezo bye bya buri munsi hari inama wakurikiza igihe muri kumwe zikaba zakongera amahirwe yo kugera ku mugambi wawe.
Ujya wibaza uti "Ni gute nakora ngo umusore nifuza amanuke yiture mu buzima bwange nk’uko mbyifuza ?" "Nakora iki se ngo uwo musore yumve ko nange mukurura ?" ibyo abakobwa cyangwa abagore bo kw’isi yose barabyibaza kandi ntihakagire umugabo cyangwa umusore numwe ubifata nk’ubusazi cyangwa ubwenge buke kuko ibyo ntawe ubihamagara kandi uretse n’ibyo n’abagabo bibabaho ahubwo ni uko bo bagira imbagara zo guhita babibwira uwo bakunze .
Mwese muzi neza ko abasore cyangwa abagabo bakururwa cyane n’ibyo amaso yabo aberetse, bishatse kuvuga ko uko ugaragara neza bishoboka biri mu bintu bya mbere byatuma umusore atangira kugutekerezaho : Umubavu(parfum)uhumura neza , ikanzu nziza iguhesheje icyubahiro , utwo twose turi mu utuntu twashegesha nyamusore akumva yanagukurikira ngo akomeze yirebere uburyo ari byiza.
Aha ariko ukamenya ko ibyo gusa bidahagije ngo uvuge ko watsindiye isoko !
Hari n’izindi nama nkeya ukwiriye kutirengagiza :
1. Ba uwo usanzwe uri we
Kugerageza kwihindura igitangaza bitandukanye n’uwo usanzwe uri we nicyo gitekerezo cya mbere cyakwicira amahirwe niba ushaka kwemeza umusore wifuza.
Nubwo n’abakobwa batabikunda ariko abagabo nibo ba mbere badakunda umukobwa wiyerekana ukundi imbere yabo, bajya baca umugani ngo umusore utiraririye ntarongora inkumi, ariko ibyo ntiwabihingutsa ku bakobwa,Bitewe nyine n’umuco wacu Umusore akeneye kubona ko uri umukobwa w’umutima utagira amasura menshi atandukanye kuko ntiyazamenya uko agufata.
Igihe yaramuka akunze ishusho wamweretse cyangwa wifuzaga ko akubonaho kandi atariyo mu by’ukuri usanzwe ufite ndetse bikubitiyeho ko utazanabasha igihe cyose kugumana ishusho werekanye,ndahamye neza ko uyu musore mutagirana urukundo rwiza cyangwa ngo mumarane igihe kirekire.muri make nta rukundo rwubakira ku binyoma.
2. Niba hari ibyiza usanzwe wiyiziho , wibyihererana !
Wenda uri uwa mbere mu kumenya gusiga irange mu nzu, uri umuhanga se mu kumenya guteka indyo zitandukanye,wenda wiyiziho impano yo gusetsa cyane abantu bakishima, cyangwa se bagenzi bawe bajya bavuga ko bakwizera mu gufata ibyemezo byiza igihe bibaye ngombwa.
Ibyo byose igihe ubonye akanya ko kubikoresha muri kumwe ntugatindiganye kuko n’uwo musore ntakwiye gutinda kubona ibyiza bikurangwaho aho kubanza guta umwanya umubwira ukuntu abahungu mwiganaga bagutinyaga cyangwa nta wakurushaga kunywa inzoga n’itabi n’ubwo hashize igihe warabiretse.
Muri make kora ku buryo butuma ahora agushaka ngo muganire cyangwa muhure mutemberane(always let him in suspense)
3. Rimwe na rimwe reka ibintu byikore aho ubona ko bishoboka
Ni ukuvuga ko niba umaze iminsi witwara neza byanze bikunze ntihabura utumunyetso tubikwereka, niba hari utwo ubona rero ishyire mu mutuzo ntumere nk’uri mw’irushanwa ,haba hari ibintu bimwe na bimwe bishobora kujya byikora utarinze guhaguruka ngo ubigiremo uruhare hato atazanatekereza ko ushyanuka.
Hari igihe mwaba mwari mumaze igihe muvugana kuri telephone noneho mugahana gahunda yo guhura, icyo gihe si ngombwa ko ucuranga mpaka amenye ibyawe byose,si na ngombwa ko abimenya uwo munsi ahubwo mutere guhora afite icyo ashaka kumenya kuri wowe buri munsi, naho ubundi uba umwereka ko udafite icyizere cyo kuzongera kumubona kandi wibuke ko ugomba kwigirira icyizere imbere y’umuhungu, nabona rero ubifata nk’amahirwe ya nyuma kandi aribwo mubonanye uzaba ubisenye byose.
Ndatekereza ko izi nama uzikoresheje byakugirira akamaro mu kubasha gutsindira isoko ry’umugabo cyangwa umusore wo mu nzozi zawe.
Uramutse ufite ikibazo cyangwa igitekerezo wifuza kutugezaho wacyandika neza mu buryo busobanutse maze ukacyohereza kuri iyi e-mail ubona hasi.
Amayobera 6 y 'Urukundo
1.URUKUNDO NO KUBENGUKA
Hari igihe umuntu areba undi akumva aramubengutse. Agahita abyitiranya n'urukundo. Kwinjira mu rukundo ngo ni uko uhise umubenguka wenda kubera isura ye cyangwa imyambarire bishobora kuguhuma amaso ugategereza ku mukunzi wawe no ku urukundo rwanyu ibidashobora kuboneka.
Ushobora guhita ubona ni mushakana izaba ari paradizo, ugatangira gufata nk'ikigirwamana umukunzi wawe, ntiwite ku bibazo byo kuba muhuje uko mubona isi n'imigambi (idini, umuco, umutungo, n'ibindi), bikaguhuma amaso n'ibitekerezo,bigatuma udashishoza neza ngo urebe ejo hazaza.
2.URUKUNDO NO KURABUKWA
Niba umuntu akurabutswe si ukuvuga ko agukunda.Urukundo rusumba kurabukwa.Twese turarabuka cyangwa tukarabukwa ariko ntaho bihuriye n'urukundo. Iyo umukobwa akunyuzeho ugahindukira ukamureba, ntibivuga urukundo.
3.URUKUNDO,AMAGAMBO N'IBIKORWA
Amagambo y'urukundo yonyine ntagaragaza urukundo. Ntukibeshye ubonye kanaka akunze kukuvugisha amagambo y'urukundo n'umutima mwiza. Amareshyamugeni si yo amutunga.Urukundo nya rukundo uzarusanga mu bikorwa.
4.TURI UMWE ARIKO TURATANDUKANYE
Ni ibanga rikomeye.Abashakanye ni umubiri umwe.Nyamara buri muntu ari ukwe kandi yigenga mu mitekerereze n'imikorere.Muramutse mwigenze cyane byasa n'aho ari abantu babiri bahujwe gusa n'ipfundo ry'inzu,mwegeranye cyane umwe yaburira mu wundi.Urukundo nyarwo rwubahiriza ibi bintu. Ugomba kumenya ko umukunzi wawe atari photocopy yawe ukamenya ko mutagomba gutekereza kimwe kuri byose 100% kandi byaramuka bibaye ukamenya kwihangana no kumurekera uburenganzira nk'umuntu ku giti cye.
5.URUKUNDO NO KUBABARIRANA
Kubabarirana biragoye, cyane cyane iyo ibyaha ari byinshi kandi bibabaje umutima nyamara ariko ni ngombwa, hatabayeho kubabarirana nta kubaka urugo byabaho nta n'urukundo rwabaho.Kubabarirana ni ukwemera ko undi ashobora kugwa mu makosa nk'uko nawe ushobora kuyagwamo.Nyamara abakundana benshi ntibemera kubabarirana ni ba Hishamunda, ba Vurihoze.
6.URUKUNDO: KUNANIRWA GUKUNDA
Hari abantu bajya bananirwa gukunda. Wanabakunda bakumva bidashoboka, kuko baba batarabyigeze mu buzima bwabo. Kunda umwana wawe. Nawe azamenya gukundana. Ntawe utanga icyo adafite.Abantu benshi bakiri abana barahutajwe ku buryo nta rukundo bigeze.
Ni gute wabona inshuti y’umuhungu cyangwa y’umukobwa
Abantu batari bake bakunze kutwandikira batubaza uko babigenza ngo babone inshuti z’abakobwa cyangwa z’abahungu. Ibyo bikaba ari ibintu bisanzwe kuko n’Imana irema umugabo n’umugore ni uko yasanze ari ngombwa ko ntawe ubaho wenyine kandi ikaba yaranabonaga bakwiranye. Gusa abatwandikira bibaza uko babona inshuti iyo batubwiye muri rusange ku buzima bwabo usanga uburyo babaho ari bwo bubabuza kubona izo nshuti, zaba izo bahuje igitsina cyangwa izo badahuje igitsina. Usanga umuntu nk’uwo ari wa wundi utinya kwegera abantu abo ari bo bose, cyangwa wenda akaba ari umuntu ugira urugwiro kuri bose ariko hari kindi abura.
Hari ikintu kimwe abahanga mu mibanire y’abantu basanze cyagufasha kubona umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa w’inshuti utarushye kandi utaniriwe ubitekerezaho cyane. Icyo kintu ni uguhindura uburyo ubaho n’uko ubona abantu n’imibanire yabo muri rusange. Ibyo turabigarukaho ariko impamvu ugomba guhinduka nta yindi itari uko niba uko ubaho kutagushimishije nta kindi wakora uretse gushakisha ukundi wabaho kuko iyo ikipe yitwara nabi mu kibuga iba igomba guhinduka nta kabuza.
Muri uko guhindura ubuzima bwawe, hari ibyo ugomba gukurikiza:
-Hindura uko ubona ibintu
Hari abantu babona kugira inshuti nko kwiyandarika cyangwa nk’uburyo bwo kugwa mu bishuko. Abandi bo bafite ukuntu babona nabi abo badahuje igitsina (nko kumva ko abakobwa bose bakunda amafaranga, cyangwa abahungu bose ari ababeshyi), ibi bikaba inzitizi ikomeye mu mibanire yabo n’abo badahuje igitsina. Guhindura uko ubona ibintu ni intambwe ya mbere yo kubana neza n’abo mudahije igitsina.
-Ishimire uko umeze
Niba ushaka umuntu ugukunda ugomba kubanza ukikunda. Ikizwi ni uko waba mugufi, muremure, igikara, inzobe, ubyibushye cyangwa unanutse, uko wifata bigira uruhare rukomeye ku kuntu abandi bagufata. Niba uko ureshya, usa cyangwa ungana nta kibazo bigutera, ntibizaba ikibazo ku bandi kuko bazaba babona wiyizeye, ntacyo ubaye. Amikoro yawe cyangwa aho ukomoka nutabifata nk’ikibazo nta wundi uzabibona nabi, n’uwabikora ni we waba ufite ikibazo.
-Kugira inshuti mudahuje igitsina (boyfriend/girlfriend) sibyo ugomba kugira intego nyamukuru
Mu buzima bwawe ukeneye inshuti nyinshi zitandukanye ziri mu byiciro byose. Wowe ushaka inshuti y’umuhungu cyangwa y’umukobwa ugomba gufungura umutima wawe ukongera umubare w’inshuti usanganywe. Ni ukuvuga ko ugomba kwakira neza buri muntu ukugana cyangwa muhuye (umusaza, umukecuru, umwana, yewe n’uruhinja) ku buryo aba inshuti yawe.
Hari uwibaza ati “ibyo se kandi bimaze iki mu gushaka copain/ copine?” OK, tuvuge niba uhuye n’umukecuru ukamwubaha, yaba akeneye ko umufasha ukamufasha, yaba akeneye uwo baganira ukamuba hafi mugahuza urugwiro, amahirwe aba ahari ni uko hari igihe muzahura ari kumwe n’umwe mu buzukuru be akamubwira uburyo uri umwana mwiza, ugasanga wungutse inshuti yo mu kigero cyawe. Uwo mwuzukuru we niyo atakubera inshuti yakwereka izindi nshuti ze…
Ibyo bihuye n’uko ushobora guhura n’umukobwa ntumukunde, ariko numugirira urugwiro mugatandukana neza, ubutaha mushobora guhura ari kumwe n’umuvandimwe we cyangwa n’inshuti ye itagira uko isa akayibwira ati “uyu ni kanaka ni inshuti yanjye…” ugasanga uhise uba inshuti n’iyo nkumi (cyangwa umusore) utarinze kwibaza uko uzamugeraho. Muri make ujye wumva ko uko uzamenyena n’abantu benshi ariko na bo bazajya bakugeza ku bandi harimo n’abahungu cyangwa abakobwa wakuramo inshuti.
Uko kwegera abantu ukabubaha, ukanabasigira ishusho nziza yawe bituma bakugeza ku bandi bityo bityo. No mu Kinyarwanda baravuga ngo inshuti igusiga indi. Kubana neza n’abantu bose nta nyungu ubatezeho nibyo bizagufasha kugera ku bakubera inshuti.
Iyo umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa ashaka inshuti areba niba uwo muntu bari kumwe azi kubana n’abantu. Kumenyana n’abantu benshi rero bimwereka ko uri umuntu mwiza, ugira urugwiro kandi abantu bishimira.
Ikindi ugomba gukora mu gihe ushaka inshuti ni ukumenyana n’abahungu benshi (niba uri umukobwa ) cyangwa n’abakobwa benshi bashoboka (niba uri umuhungu). Ibyo bigufasha kumva ko kugira inshuti mudahuje igitsina ari ibintu bisanzwe, kandi igikunze kugaragara nko ku bahungu ni uko iyo uziranye n’abakobwa benshi (mu buryo bwiza ariko!) bituma izindi nkumi zikubaha zikakubona nk’umuntu uzi kubana n’igitsina gore.
Ibyo byitwa social proof. Kuba ufite inshuti nyinshi byerekana ko uri umunyarugwiro (a social person) kandi wibitseho ubukungu, bigatuma abakobwa cyangwa abahungu bibaza uko byagenda ngo nabo bakumenye.
-Va mu cyumba utembere
Ibyo navuze haruguru ntiwabigeraho udatembera. Wahurira he n’abantu? Akazi cyangwa amasomo sicyo cyonyine kikubeshejeho kuri iyi si. Gutembera ugahura n’abantu nabyo ni ngombwa cyane! Itabire ubukwe n’ibirori bitandukanye watumiwemo, si ngombwa ko uhamara igihe kinini. Ibyo bituma umenyana n’abantu kandi n’uwo mutamenyaniye aho ushobora kumubona ahandi ugahita ugenda ukamusuhuza ukamubwira uti “ndakwibuka, nakubonye kwa kanaka cya gihe.”
-Ikindi ni uko imyambarire yawe igomba kuba koko ijyanye n’igihe kandi itagusebya. Imyitwarire nayo bikaba uko.
Muri make jya usohoka iwawe wumva wishimiye uko wambaye, uko usa n’uko wiyumva mu mutima wawe. Ibyo bizatuma ucya mu maso, kandi abantu bakubone neza nyine, bityo wunguke inshuti. Muri make nta kindi cyagufasha kubona inshuti uretse kubana neza n’abandi, ukumva ko kumenyana n’abantu benshi kandi batandukanye ari ngombwa mu buzima kandi ukakira ibintu mu buryo buri positive.
Ubutaha tuzavuga ku kuntu wakwitwara umaze kubona uwo wumva wishimiye.
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